That’s What Friends Are For

The last couple Saturdays, I’ve had the opportunity to celebrate the marriages of good friends.  The parties have been fun.  I love quality time with friends.

But it’s fall.  And Saturday is college football day.  So while I’ve appreciated the invitations (and the nice meals), I’ve been a bit torn.  It’s a bit of a challenge getting ready for a wedding and leaving on time when distracted by a game or two.  Take the Michigan State overtime win over Michigan — I’m glad I got to watch it, but it didn’t help get left in good time.  And yes, my Illini haven’t looked good all season, but I still want to watch the game.

That’s where good friends come in.  I haven’t invested in a data package for my cell phone.  But I know who has.  And I am thankful for friends who know what I’m looking for when I say “Can I get an update?” while waiting for the bride and groom to appear for their sendoff.  A couple weeks ago, one friend graciously served as my personal scoreboard updater, and the Pennsylvania native didn’t even rub in the lopsided Illini-Penn State score too badly.  That’s a good friend.

This past weekend was a bit more of a challenge.  My first option for scoreboard updater was also serving as the wedding photographer, so availability was a bit of an issue.  But I had the opportunity to make new friends (and enemies — I am a product of a heated Illini-Hawkeye rivalry).  One friend’s date graciously took on the scoreboard updater role.

Ongoing score updates at wedding receptions.  Isn’t that what friends are for?

My Most Hated Things: A Musical Ode

I could put an explanation here: “To the tune of…” However, I’m guessing that all of you are sharp enough to figure this one out. If you aren’t, please email me and I will rewrite the penultimate verse to include you.

Special thanks goes to the Celtics fans who attended Saturday’s game, especially, and Monday’s game as well. Thinking about how I wanted to punch all of them in the face got me thinking about other sports things that I hate. These fans do not appear in this song, but they are the inspiration behind it.

Patriots Nation and Cardinal backers
Manny Ramirez and other dumb slackers
Media types whose “insight” is wanting
These are a few of my most hated things

Nibbling the corners and walking the batters
Pumping your fist like your stupid team matters
The Packers will cause my rage bell to ring
These are a few of my most hated things

The Astros, the Reds and the Milwaukee Brewers
I wish these teams would be flushed down the sewers
But playing the Pirates a victory brings
So they are not one of my most hated things

Headhunter Beckett and ‘roided-up freaks
Your lack of integrity gives me the creeps
Bill Belichick acts like he’s king
These are a few of my most hated things

Jeter and A-Rod and CC, that fatty
All Yankee players, oh so mercenary
You can’t buy a pennant, that surely must sting
These are a few of my most hated things

Tony LaRussa, that fraud Dusty Baker
All their excuses could fill up an acre
Did I mention the Cards, how their ass needs kicking!
These are a few of my most hated things

When the hate strikes
I don’t fight it
That isn’t much fun
I simply remember my most hated things
And then I go find my gun!

I Know My Teams

Once again, I found myself in a situation where I got a few surprised looks for knowing my boys.  Yes, it took me a few minutes to remember one former player, but I knew where he was from.  Although I wasn’t intentionlly listening to other fans conversations, it was quiet enough that I coudn’t help but hear.  And when I finally remembered the answer, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. 

Sorry.

It’s just that I know my teams.  And the sports I follow.  And I want to be helpful.  No need to be shocked, just because I happen to know the names of a few players you can’t remember and happen to be female.

And if I overhear your conversation, I reserve the right to quote you online.

Versus

Kyle Orton vs. Expectations

The expectations for the Bears’ offense in general and Kyle Orton in particular have risen with each game. And so far, Orton has answered the bell. Despite the Bears’ well chronicled struggles at QB, Orton isn’t the first Bears passer to string together 7 decent games. It’s just that those 7 are usually followed by 17 (or more) terrible efforts. Will Orton avoid that and continue to satisfy a city suddenly clammoring for a contract extension?

Verdict: Pending.

Cole Hamels vs. God

Given that his last start was cut short by a driving rainstorm, Hamels appears to have finally come up against the one who can stop him this postseason. But Hamels may get the last laugh since the delay means he might have the chance to take the hill in Game 7, should the series go to the limit. But as I write this, the Phils are up by one and the Rays have just three outs to do something about that. So for the time being, the edge goes to the Almighty.

Verdict: God.

Isaiah Thomas vs. The Truth

Thomas tried to lie his way out of an embarrassing medical incident, showing no shame in feeding his own daughter to the wolves along the way. Of course, this particular lie is my favorite sort of of lie: the implausible one (and when I say “favorite,” I mean “least favorite”). There are usually records kept about these sorts of incidents, and various medical personnel are involved. In what universe must you live in order to believe that reports will be falsified and that officials will lie in order to protect the tattered remains of your reputation? What an idiot.

Verdict: The Truth. The Truth always wins. Don’t mess with The Truth.

Dear Chargers,

Lay off Ed Hochuli. I’m serious. I’m a little embarrassed for you that it has gone on this long.

You gave up 39 points. 39. That’s a three with a nine after it.

Even if you subtract out the 6 points for that touchdown, that’s still 33 points, including a beyond crucial two point conversion. Nice defense. Plus, you’ve already shown a propensity to wilt in the final minutes of close games, and it’s only the second week of the season.

This, like the AJ play, definitely falls under the category of Carping About The Umpires/Referees That I Could Very Well Do Without. Once you’ve fully addressed all the sucktasticness of your team that allowed you to be in such a precarious position as to be ruined by one call, then you can come and complain about everyone else.

Until then, bugger off.

kthnxbye,
TheWittyOne

Never a Dull Moment

The baseball season, with games nearly every day, requires quite a bit of effort if you want to stay on top of it.  But I have learned to keep up pretty well, as baseball provides great entertainment through summer. 

But, with the Olympics starting tomorrow, I will have to make choices.  I love the Olympics.  The sports you don’t care about except once every 4 years.  The sappy stories of “amateur” athletes.  National pride.  I must confess that although I have political opinions, I really don’t let them affect my love of the Games.  I’m not thrilled that Beijing has the 2008 Games, and I’m sure the envionment there isn’t perfect.  But with swimming, diving, gymnastics, volleyball, beach volleyball, rhythmic gymnastics, equestrian, track and field, soccer, baseball, diving, synchronized swimming, weightlifting, wrestling, judo, fencing, and much, much more…why let the other issues take away from the fun?

And if that’s not enough, tonight I turned on ESPN to see football.  And not just the 24-hour Farve watch reporting the addresses his new realtor has provided for Jersey-area homes.  Football!  As in running and passing and tackling.  I mean, didn’t August just start?  I feel like they are taking summer away from me.  Not that I don’t like football — I really enjoy it (especially college games), but I’m just not ready for it yet.  The Cubs continue to lead the NL Central, the Olympics are about to get underway with Michael Phelps chasing history, and I’m supposed to find time to see how Devin does in pre-season and decide which QB option I want to see in the regular season?  I do have a day job, you know.

On a completely unrelated note, I love Wrigley (as I’ve said before) and watching a grand slam and a player’s first curtain call is really quite fabulous.  For baseball stat buffs, here’s a special one:  DeRosa is batting .875 in August games vs. divisional foes when I am in the stands at Wrigley.  Plus a walk and a grand slam.  Like I said, never a dull moment.

Have You Seen This Man?

 

 

Name: Ryan Dempster. 6′ 2″, 215 lb. Reddish hair and beard, but has been known to wear bizarre wigs. Native Canadian. All-star.

Last seen in Milwaukee on July 30, raising victory total to 12 and lowering ERA to 2.90, raising strikeout total to 126 and lowering BAA to .207. Unfortunately, national fascination with recently ineffective duo of Sabathia and Sheets has allowed Dempster to slip away unnoticed.

REWARD if found.

Dazzling(?) Debuts and Pro Players

Nice, Rich, very nice.  Welcome to Wrigley Field. 5 1/3 innings. 10 strikeouts to 3 walks.  No runs on 4 hits.  Based on the ovation you recieved, you certainly made an impression on the fans.  You made Jim Hendry look really good today, even if you do drag down the batting average for our starting rotation.

And although Chad Gaudin gave up a home run in his debut Thursday, so did just about everyone else who took the mound for the Cubs.  He’s still got great potential to help the Cubs out this season.  For the record, Sean Gallagher and Matt Murton looked really good in their Oakland debut yesterday, as well.  So at first glance, the trade looks pretty good from both sides.  And, those debuts are more impressive than top pick Derrick Rose’s in summer league against second pick, but that’s old news by now.

What really struck me about Rich Harden’s debut was acutally the Cubs pre-game show interview with Giants broadcaster Mike somebody-or-other.  When asked about Harden’s health and durability, Mike made a comment that reminded me why I choose college over pro sports.  Mike said getting traded is good for players, it makes them “mercenaries” rather than “hometown boys” that may get babied a little.  A trade, according to this gut, makes real pros. 

So, is Lee a mercenary, or a Cub?  Especially compared to those who came up through the farm system, like Wood or Theriot?  Based on Lee’s clubhouse leadership and commitment to sticking with managment’s line, I would say he’s a Cub.  And DeRosa?  He seems to have embraced his team…

But of course I want to see things that way, because I don’t want to cheer for a bunch of mercenaries.  I want to cheer for guys who love the game and their team and their city and their fans.  Take Kerry Wood, who comes across as just thankful to be healthy and playing for the Cubs, even though he is no longer in the starting rotation.  According to his wife, he wouldn’t be sastisfied anywhere else.  Compare that to Jim Edmonds, who seems to have gelled with his new team, but still draws Cardinal fans in Edmonds jerseys to Cubs games.  I appreciate what he’s done for us this season, but it is a bit harder to cheer for him.

Because I want to cheer for passionate players who love where they are at, I tend to gravitate toward college sports.  The kids are more likely to have chosen where they want to play, and although they get an education, they aren’t (in theory) getting paid.  And certainly not the millions that many pros make.  Plus, there are way fewer agonizing situations like the whole Farve thing…but that’s a topic for another day…

Welcome, Rich.  Please stay healthy and embrace your new team.  Please don’t take on a mercenary mentality — you’ve been heartily welcomed by the fans, so just be a Cub.

Is Another Tiger Woods Victory Good for Golf?

I’ve heard it said that there are two kinds of people in the world: Phil Mickelson fans and Tiger Woods fans. I am an ubercasual golf fan, but I firmly believe this to be true. For the record, I am the latter. But today’s exciting playoff conclusion is just the latest in a string of tournaments in which Tiger finds himself against the ropes against an improbable opponent. And in these situations, even a Tiger fan must decide: is it better to root for the prohibitive favorite, or for the upset?

Point: Follow the general Life Rule: All things being equal root for the underdog.

Counterpoint: Are all things equal in this case? When dealing with the giant presence that is Tiger Wood, I submit that it may be practically impossible for anything to be equal.

Point: For many of these gentlemen, this is their one chance at taking the big prize. Tiger will have many, many chances.

Counterpoint: Golf is one of those sports where, at any given tournament, a superior player can have a travesty of a round or of a tournament, and an unknown can have a miraculous round or tournament. Chances are good that in most of his tournaments, Tiger will have a relative unknown nipping at his heels. If we keep saying that he’ll have his chances in the future, those chances may never arrive.

Point: Tiger is a gloryhog.

Counterpoint: For these gentlemen, simply playing Tiger competitively is a victory in and of itself. Whether they lose or win, they win. For Tiger, anything less than a first-place finish is roundly considered a let-down. Tiger, in a certain sense, needs the win more than they do.

Point: Tiger is a moneyhog.

Counterpoint: I was shocked to read that even perennial also-ran Mediate has made $13 million over the course of his career, just in tour winnings alone. Even those relegated to tour leftovers are doing just fine for themselves.

Point: It’s a better drama factor if the unknown wins. It makes for a more memorable weekend.

Counterpoint: In the end, Tiger’s historic run at golf immortality will be what we remember. It will be what we write books about, make movies about, and tell our grandkids about. The glow of an unknown’s victory fades in the time it takes to say “Zach who?”

Point: Competitiveness is what keeps the sports juice flowing, regardless of the activity. More competitive contests are to everyone’s benefit. That’s why all professional sports leagues and organizations regularly meet to create ways to improve the competitive balance.

Counterpoint: What makes Tiger great is the one thing that all those rule changes can never adequately account for: individual talent. Even if Tiger wins in the end (as he does more often than not), the changing cast of characters around him makes for enough drama. And the fact is that a Tiger win generates more buzz and more ratings for the sport, thereby drawing more young players into the sport, thereby increasing the likelihood that the game will remain competitive in the long run.

Counclusion: It is best if Tiger finds himself in a tight race, rather than stringing together victories in which he laps the field. But in the final analysis: Go Tiger.

Further Random Baseball Musings

I know a big part of the reason that the Twins wanted to trade Santana was that they weren’t going to re-sign him and didn’t want to lose him with nothing in return. That wasn’t going away. And I know Santana’s having something of a down year—for him, anyway.

However, if the Twins knew that a playoff spot would be there for the taking, and if the Mets knew their season was going to be a complete bust, would both of these teams still have made that deal?

Is anyone happy with the outcome of this one?

***

The Cubs’ dominance at home reminds me of that Simpsons episode where Homer finally chases away Ned Flanders with one to many instances of asshattery (though Ned, of course, returns by episode’s end). In this episode, the Simpsons briefly acquire a new neighbor who is a boorish jock and replaces the Flanders’ overly solicitous welcome mat with one that says, Ring bell for free ass-kicking. Not that I want the Cubs to turn into boorish jocks, but would it be wholly inaccurate to suggest that a similar welcome mat might be in order for the visitors’ clubhouse?

***

You know who I’m loving right now? Micah Hoffpauir, and not just because he has the same first name as my brother. It’s always nice to see a guy play his way into a shot at the major league roster, and then go ahead and maximize that opportunity, Felix Pie.