Surprisingly Hot: Gordon Beckham

 

Everyone likes Gordon Beckham. Called upon to help rejuvenate a floundering team, he’s responded admirably despite switching positions and despite having spent all of about five minutes in the minor leagues. How can you not respect that?

However, there’s a difference between being a legit major leaguer and being a legit hottie. I may be in something of a minority here, but for all the progress he’s made toward the former, I’ve seen little progress toward the latter. Maybe it’s the fact that, to judge by his face, he appears to be stuck at about 12 years old. Maybe it’s the fact that, to judge by his hair, he appears to be stuck at about 18 years old. (Though in the life cycle of a human male, there’s not a whole lot of difference between 18 and 22, nor between 12 and 22.) Whatever the case, it just wasn’t floating my boat.

Until now. I believe I’ve developed a serious case of like for Gordon. And, of all things, it’s thanks to this video (HT: Yahoo’s BLS) of him discussing his luck with the “ladies” at the *ahem* encouragement of an oddly obsequious female reporter, who is singlehandedly setting back the cause of female sports fans way more than Jessica Simpson or Eva Longoria ever did.

It’s shocking, perplexing and—dare I say—surprising that such an offensive piece of fluff would actually make Gordon more desirable. But we ladies have never claimed that we aren’t complex. Two things, I think, are driving this newfound feeling of attraction:

1. The uneasy, bitch-crazy chuckle that he gives when he realizes where the line of questioning is headed.
2. His declaration that the idea that his friends called him “The Slayer” is self-refuting, because anyone who called him that would no longer be his friend. (And you know how I love a good rhetorical jab.)

Gordon Beckham: the surprisingly hot, surprisingly cool master of argumentation, even in the face of annoying-as-hell reporters.

Mark of Perfection

There isn’t a whole lot to be said about Mark Buehrle’s perfect game that hasn’t already been said. Eighteenth perfect game ever, yadda yadda yadda. Incredible that a guy who pitches to contact and rarely breaks 90 on the radar gun would have two no-hitters, blah blah blah. Couldn’t have happened to a better guy, etc.

There have been a few interesting tidbits. The fact that Eric Cooper called both games. The fact that both of Buehrle’s no-hitters took the same amount of time. The fact that he joins Sandy Koufax and Cy Young as the only players to have a perfect game, a no-hitter, and a WS ring—all for the same team. There’s even been the interesting sub-plot of That Catch By Wise: Best Catch Ever, When You Consider The Circumstances?

Since he broke into the league several years ago, Buehrle has been my favorite player—bar none—in the entire MLB. Yes, even more than the infuriating Cubs players I’ve loved and hated over the years. First of all, I respect Buehrle’s game. I’ve often said that, were I an MLB starting pitcher, I would be a right-handed Mark Buehrle. I’d be a finesse pitcher. I would not screw around and I wouldn’t walk a lot of guys. I’d find my rhythm, be economical with my pitches, and give the other eight guys on the diamond a chance to do their job. And, hopefully, I’d stick with the same team my whole career.

Second of all, there’s a reason why all those “couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy” articles are getting written. Buehrle represents the sort of good natured, solid citizen, loyal teammate type that we wish all our heroes were. I’ll refrain from waxing eloquent about that, since we’re not about getting sappy here at APJG. I’ll just say that it matters, and people notice, and that means even more than throwing a perfect game.

One of my favorite Mark Buehrle incidents happened a few years back when he got tossed for throwing a retaliatory beanball. Now, I kind of love beanball wars, when they happen for a valid reason (not when they’re initiated by headhunters like Josh Beckett, or by sore losers). It’s warped, I know. But it’s true. And what made this incident even more interesting was the fact that Buehrle was on an amazing run, having gone at least six innings in 50 straight starts. And by getting tossed after 5 2/3, he just missed extending that streak to 51. I admire a guy who realizes that standing up for his team is more important than any personal achievement. And I admire a guy who isn’t afraid to get his ass ejected while doing so.

Provided he keeps pitching for the next several years, you can make the argument that Buehrle has the best chance of any current pitcher to reach 300 wins. He’s consistent, and he doesn’t appear in danger of breaking down any time soon. Longevity, more than anything else, is the key to 300. This fact is blindingly obvious. But despite the high “duh” factor, people seem eager to forget this. They’re too busy peeing themselves over the thought of a 20-win season. Guess what? Five straight 20-win seasons (pretty much an unheard of feat in today’s baseball world), and you’re 1/3 of the way there. Congrats, doofus.

I guess this is another thing I like about Buehrle. Even though he might never make it to 20 wins in a season, he does have his fair share of eye-popping feats. There’s the no-hitter and the perfecto, obviously. There’s the WS save that came right on the heels of an impressive start. There’s the all-star appearances. For those who like the big shiny moments, he can bring them. And for those, like me, who appreciate consistency that is spectacular in its unspectacularness, he’ll throw you 50 straight games of 6+ innings.

Mark Buehrle: something for everyone, unless you’re an asshat who hates humanity

Rain Delays

For outdoor sports, weather is always an unpredictable factor.  Snow can make it hard to stay on your feet on the football field.  Heat can cut a marathon short.  Lightening requires keeping players (and fans) away from danger.  And rain can postpone a baseball game or a round of a golf tournament.

The highlight of my week was going to be a PGA tournament.  But it rained.  And rained (with lightening).  And rained.  And then it rained some more.  I only had one day available to watch this golf tournament live, but an unusual all-day downpour kept the golfers off the course.   So I was forced to follow online.  (By the way, PGAtour.com’s Shot Tracker is pretty cool!)

And I was pretty disappointed that I didn’t get to experience a tournament.  My favorite pro didn’t make the cut.  I didn’t get to walk the golf couse.  I didn’t get to build my (very limited) knowledge of the sport.  And I didn’t even get to follow the entire second round online.

My only consolation is that an Illini alum one the event, and now stands second only to some guy named Tiger in the PGA Tour FedEx standings.

Oh, and that rain cause the Cubs and Cards to play a double-header today that had some great plays and an interesting 9th inning strategy, even though the teams split the day…

Something New

Let me interrupt this (somewhat painful) baseball season to give attention to another deceptively difficult sport.  Golf.

Like baseball, golf seems to be a rather slow game.  But also like baseball, golf requires bursts of athleticism, intense concentration and lots more thought than the casual fan realizes.

This week, I will be attending my first PGA tournament.  Actually, it will be the first golf tournament of any kind that I’ve attended.  Heck, I haven’t done more than mini-golf — ever.  But I am really excited.

Unlike other sports, occaisionally the average industry pro gets a chance to go up against the big names.  And this week, that average industry pro is family.  And he gets to play against Kenny Perry, who had a green jacket in sight a couple months ago, Zach Johnson, Davis Love III and a couple other guys I’ve heard of.  And quite a few more that I haven’t.

So I’m learning the importance of tee times, that you can watch golf “parade style” or “cross-country style,” and what makes a particular hole difficult.  And I’m sure I’ll learn a lot more while I check the leaderboard, follow play-by-play coverage and check scorecards during the first round, and walk the course to follow my favorite golf pro during the second round. 

And if he makes the cut, I may even turn on the Golf Channel this weekend.